Doc Mode 3 – Autobiographical

Project can be found at: http://youtu.be/gG8iaWFTGwQ

Representing myself is terrifying.  I tried repeatedly to find something else to do for this doc mode, and I think, even in its approach, I played it a little safe.  Fox stated that "baring oneself to a public is at the heart of the autobiographical mode. The emotional and personal life experiences of the producer become the documented reality." (Fox, 41) As I attempt to construct, and sometimes reconstruct, my documented reality, I don't want this to be a naval gaze, because I think it does examine a larger societal problem within the Mormon culture...the ever pressing question, "what do we do with these mid-singles who can't seem to get it together and get married?"  Fox also states that, "when successful, the example of the self is a means of assessing political and historical questions of larger social relevance. At its best, the autobiographical mode not only closes the gap between the photographer and the subject but also the space between the filmmaker and the audience." (Fox, 41)

I know the church is coming at this out of a place of love, but they don't know what to do with my demographic.  If we could just get married, they have a nice little niche for us.  If we were just younger, they would have plenty of advice and counsel.  But, as it is, they (those within the church who are trying to help us toward our own salvation) encourage us to go online and meet someone - focusing on marriage as a final destination as opposed to a stop along the journey.  They want us to get together and do singles activities in an effort to pair us off, but get frustrated when we do too many group things and not enough one-on-one dating.  It's a constant conundrum – “a mid-singles phenomenon,” written about in church and layman publications.  And perhaps the most tricky and painful part of this exploration, our families can't help but make comments that are rather hurtful, though well-intentioned.

I think for that reason, creating an autobiographical piece was so difficult for me.  I don't want anyone to know how much it hurts, not to be single, but to be constantly looked at and referred  to as incomplete or broken because of my state of being.  Shedding further light on the mode, Fox asserts that "autobiographical works use the life and views of the filmmaker as the subject matter, putting his or her existence under scrutiny....the use of self serves as an access point to political and historical questions of a larger social relevance." (Fox, 233)  For this piece, I chose to use a variety of images from my current situation, as an exploration of what a mid-single active church member deals with.  My experience is by no means universal, which is really at the heart of the problem.  We are all individual and need to be addressed as such.  But our situation needs to be handled with a bit more compassion, if it is ever to be addressed in a helpful manner.